The Diary of an Insane Man
by Spring Rain of Harusame
Summary: Yami no Marik is given a diary to "redeem" himself in. Will his funny entries and "slick" moves let him stay out of trouble... AND get the girl? Only time will tell... HEEHEEHEE
1. Chappie 1

The Diary of an Insane Man  
  
Disclaimer Note: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh! Kazuki Takahashi does.  
  
Entry #1  
  
Thursday, June 24, 2004  
  
6:00 PM  
  
"Dear Diary,  
  
Er... Y'know what? This is a BAD idea. Crummy even. I can't believe that Goody-Goody Isis MADE me do this. Malik even agreed! Well, Isis thinks that I'll redeem myself by writing in here. That's just plain odd. Well, I COULD make evil schemes to steal the Pharaoh's (Yami no Yugi) power in here. Heh heh heh... I know he likes that girl... What's her name? Anzu Mazaki I think. I'm too lazy to make up a plot now, so I'll do that later. Oh crud, Isis!"  
  
Out of Diary  
  
"Yami no Marik, what are you doing?" Isis asked me. "I'm writing in this baka journal if you MUST know." I answered cooly. "Well..." Isis thought for a moment and said, "Gimme!" She took my journal and read it silently. "Yami no Marik, please don't write about the Pharaoh's you-know-what and how to kill him! It's very rude. Now if you want to learn how to use the toaster properly, you HAVE to listen to me!" Isis sighed and I made a face like I didn't even understand what she was saying. Isis gave me the 'eye' and said, "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?" I thought for a moment and replied, "Don't know if I understand the words that are coming out of your mouth!" She gave me a nasty look and gave me my journal back. She left the room and I snickered knowing I got her good...  
  
In Diary  
  
"I have the PERFECT scheme to destroy the Pharaoh! I'll kidnap Anzu and hopefully, that'll draw him out. Then, I'll send Anzu to the Shadow Realm once he comes and make a 'little' bargain with him... Heh heh heh... Then the Melenium Puzzle is MINE! Mua ha ha ha ha! Cough cough Ra damn it! I HATE it when that happens! AS I WAS SAYING, I shall call this 'full proof' scheme: "Operation: Me Luv Anzu!" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Cough cough Ra damn it! I did it again!!! Isis CANNOT read this or I'll NEVER be able to use the toaster, or the lawnmower, or the T.V, or the oven, or the Internet, or the vacuum, or really any kind of electronics... So umm, yeah... You get the picture. So I guess I should stop writing now... Oh, one more thing... Isis is a bloody witch... There, I've written it in pen... YES I can use a pen... Well, sort of... Anyway back to the point! I've written it in pen, so she CANNOT get rid of it... I meant it, so I will sign in blood... YES I can do that!  
  
Yami no Marik Ishtar!  
  
PS: I MEANT WHAT I SAID ABOUT ISIS!!!"   
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: Please Review!  
  
Yami no Marik: Am I called the 'Insane Man'? Hence the Title: The Diary of an INSANE MAN! I'm not insane... Am I...? No... I'm not insane. Looks around room Where in Ra's name is my barbie doll?  
  
Samurai of the Grave: Now I see why you called him insane Aibou!  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: Yeah. OOH! I forgot to introduce my Yami: Samurai of the Grave! Say Hi Samurai of the Grave!  
  
Samurai of the Grave: You did that for me.  
  
Yami no Marik: You better not publish this you baka-headed son of a-  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: Too late. I just did.  
Yami no Marik: NOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Samurai of the Grave: Just R&R...  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: Yeah. Whatever she said...  
  
Yami no Marik: WHY? Goes off to cry 


	2. Chappie 2

The Diary of an Insane Man  
  
I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Entry #2  
  
Friday, June 25, 2004  
  
8:00 PM  
  
"Dear Diary,  
  
Umm, ok writing "Dear Diary" is NOT cool for a 'macho' man like me to be writing. SO, instead, I'll write "Yo Dawg, 'sup" in substitute of "Dear Diary", I'm a MAN I say a MAN! Anyway Isis said I should write about my day. Well, her goes...  
  
Malik took me to see Secret Window with his 'friends' today. I was FORCED to sit beside the PHARAOH!!! (Yami no Yugi) Somehow, I managed to cause ZERO trouble at all. Oh, and DON'T you DARE tell anyone, but I almost wet myself during the movie. It was SO scary! Anyway, I think I caused ZERO trouble because well, she was there. When I say, she... I mean... Well, umm... Shizuka Jonouchi... I find her well... umm... How do 'modern' people say this... ponders for a moment Aha! I know the word: I think Shizuka is hot. No, not hot, REALLY HOT! What in Ra's name did I just write? Oh God, oh God... I cannot believe I just wrote that! Good thing Isis isn't going to read it... Oh crud! Not again!"  
  
Out of Diary  
  
"Yami no Marik, are you writing AGAIN?" Isis asked me. Yes..." I replied, "Yes, I'm writing in this baka journal... AGAIN!" I muttered a curse in Egyptian under my breath and Isis smiled. "It's nice to see that you're writing often!" She said, "OH! Do you want to learn how to use the toaster now?" I pondered that for a moment and said, "Let me finish writing. I'm almost done. Now, LEAVE!" I bellowed. Isis left and I got all excited.  
  
In Diary  
  
"I Yami no Marik Ishtar, am going to learn how to use... The TOASTER! YAHOO! I've just had a vision trying to stick Yami no Yugi's head in it... hee hee hee... Well, I must go! I can't keep the toaster waiting!"  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: That was fun!  
  
Yami no Marik: You made me excited... OVER A TOASTER?  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: Yup! Heeheehee... Say, where's Samurai of the Grave?  
  
Samurai of the Grave: Here!  
  
Yami no Marik: Oh goody. Cough Cough NOT! Cough Cough  
  
Samurai of the Grave: Ooh... I'm shaking in my boots. Is THAT the best you GOT?  
  
Yami no Marik: Ya want more punk?  
  
Samurai of the Grave: No du-uh Sherlock!  
  
Yami no Marik: At least my hikari doesn't have a mental problem!  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: Say what? Ok dude, Say syanora baby 'cause yo butt is gonna get kicked!  
  
Yami no Marik: Are you talking street?  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: No du-uh Sherlock dude! You better start runnin' cause yo stone cold busted baby! So, Puts on terminator voice and takes out HUGE bazooka Austa la vista baby! Fires bazooka  
  
Yami No Marik: Blows up ...  
  
Samurai of the Grave: YAY! Yami no Marik's gone!!! Does victory dance  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: Please R&R! 


	3. Chappie 3

The Diary of an Insane Man  
  
I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Entry #3  
  
Saturday June 26, 2004  
  
5:00PM  
  
"**Yami no Marik and Shizuka sitting in a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Yami no Marik with the BABY CARRIGE! HA HA HA! Oh, if you're wondering who wrote this, I think my handwriting will tell you... Anyway, I can't believe you almost you-know- what at the movie! HA HA HA! Wait till' Yami no Yugi finds out... Heh heh heh... Oh, and Isis enrolled you into Domino Highschool; where your "sweet heart" awaits you! HA HA HA! Oh crud, I gave myself away! MEEP!**  
  
Yo dawg, 'sup  
  
I am going to KILL that baka-headed son of a gun: Malik if he tells! I am THIRSTY FOR BLOOD SPILLING!!! Man I hate that hikari of mine. Anyway, I CANNOT believe that Isis enrolled my into Domino High! Man she'll pay. But wait, he wrote that Shizuka attends that school. I swear, I've been dreaming about her ALL night! I've been giggling like an idiot and Isis grows suspicious... I've also been thinking that the clouds are made out of cotton candy and are in the shapes of wittle bunny wabbits... They SO cute! ... Oh my Ra, what did I just write? Baka baka baka! Stupid me, what if Malik sees again! Well, I could just get a lock for this thing. Or, I could hide it... WAIT! What in bloody hell am I doing? I'm EVIL I say! EVIL!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I managed to kidnap Anzu and she is in the SHADOW REALM! HA HA HA! Yami no Yugi will come soon... I think... Oh well! Time for my victory dance! Go me... It's my birthday... Go me... it's my birthday... Go me... it's my birthday...  
  
OH! And I learned how to use the lawnmower earlier today. I find it quite baka and noisy. It's really unnecessary.  
  
I'm going to learn how to use the computer tomorrow as well as the microwave, Then I can blow up Yami no Yugi's HEAD in it! HA HA HA!  
  
Well, I must go now. Malik promised to teach me how to use the T.V today! YAHOO!!!"  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: That was fun!  
  
Samurai of the Grave: Yeah, it was. But, whom are we going to torment now that Malik's gone?  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: Do not fret my Yami. I've sought out a replacement!  
  
Samurai of the Grave: Who Aibou? Who?  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: Seto Kaiba!  
  
Kaiba: Bloody hell.  
  
Samurai of the Grave: ohhhhhhhhhhh... Kaiba used potty language!  
  
Kaiba: Dash it all! I did not!  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossom: While those 2 are verbally assaulting eachother, R&R please! 


	4. Chappue 4

The Diary of an Insane Man  
  
I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Entry #4  
  
"Yo dawg, 'sup  
  
Good. Malik didn't read you again. Anyway, the television is SO cool! You can see people doing stuff inside and... Wait. What in Ra's name am I doing? Oh God I'm going soft! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Anyway, Anzu is STILL in the Shadow Realm and Yami no Yugi (The Pharaoh) STILL hasn't come to save her yet! Maybe I should blackmail him... heh heh heh... Wait, Malik's calling. I'll be RIGHT back!"  
  
Out of Diary  
  
"Yami no Marik, Yami no Yugi's at the door!" Malik said. "I'm coming hikari!" I replied. I ran to the front door, and bloody hell did Yami no Yugi look mad. "What have you done with Anzu Marik?" He asked me. I smirked and said, "Come this way Pharaoh." He followed me to my room and I pulled a soulless Anzu from underneath my bed.  
  
"Marik, what in Ra's name have you done to her?" Yami no Yugi bellowed. "All I did was send her to the Shadow Realm..." I replied cooly, "The only way I'll bring her back is if you give me the power of the Pharaoh! HA HA HA! Or else she'll NEVER return!" I laughed evilly and Yami no Yugi didn't hesitate. He smirked and I didn't know why. "I can bring her back and punch your lights out." Yami said. His mellenium Puzzle started glowing and Anzu woke up. She released herself from my grip and ran over to Yami no Yugi. "Goodbye Marik!" He said and punched me right on the nose. "I'll get you Pharaoh!" I bellowed. Too late. He was already gone.  
  
In Diary  
  
"Well this just sucks. Operation Me Luv Anzu failed AND I got a bloody nose AND I'm grounded. Now I can't learn how to use the Microwave OR the Internet until next MONTH! NOOOOOOOOOO! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?"  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossoms: That was fun!  
  
Kaiba: Can I go now?  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossoms: Yeah I guess. You're too boring Moneybags.  
  
Kaiba: Thank Ra! (Leaves)  
Samurai of the Grave: Now whom can I torment?  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossoms: Can I bring out You-Know-Who?  
  
Samurai of the Grave: Voldemort?  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossoms: NO! Not "him" the OTHER You-Know-Who!  
  
Samurai of the Grave: ... OOOOOOH! HIM! Come on out...  
  
Yami no Yugi: Hello.  
  
Samurai of Cherry Blossoms: Umm, while those two "get aquatinted" R&R! (Takes a peek at what they're doing) EW! They're smooching'! 


End file.
